English Transcription of Q&A: February 17th, 2021
1. I get frequent yeast infections and it is really ruining my desire, help!
-Yeast infections don’t mean you’re a dirty person, lets clear that up first
-Chronic yeast infections can be caused by hormonal contraception, diabetes, pregnancy, and some other medical conditions, so see your doctor if they’re not going away after these tips!
-Yeast overgrowth can also be the result of the vaginal PH being thrown off (chemicals, semen, etc) or yeast overgrowth on the labia transferring to the vagina
-Avoid any soaps, lubes, lotions with these ingredients: parabens, glycerin, fragrance, glitter, flavoring, dyes, and for some (not as common) citric acid may cause inflammation
-Clean your sex toys well! Silicone toys with NO motor can often be boiled to be sterile, but check the instructions first.
-Glass, waterproof toys with a motor, can be cleaned using water and soap. Some prefer antimicrobial soap, others prefer a soap that is ok on their vulva to clean their toys in case of transfer (like neutral, or dr bronners). Toys that can’t be washed with soap (like some massage wands) will have instructions for cleaning, but there are toy cleaner sprays and foams made for sensitive skin that can work well too!
-Talk to your doctor about boric acid suppositories if anti fungal treatment isn’t working for you (this kills the yeast cells, but comes with risks!),
-Sometimes, we get in our head or have triggers during sex that we worry might lead to
a yeast infection. For instance, if oral sex makes you anxious because you’re worried about the infection, lay off for a while until you can work through this mental block on your own. Its okay to adjust!
-Same goes for your pelvic floor: chronic inflammation from infections can cause either too much tension or weaken your pelvic floor muscles, so checking in with a physical therapist who specializes in the pelvic floor can help you feel better in your body, and ready to get back into your sex life
2. UTI after g spot stimulation, is that normal? I already keep everything clean/sterile
-It is a common problem! The “g spot” is an area inside your vagina where the urethral sponge and clitoris merge with the wall of your vagina- I like to think of it as a little intersection. That being said, you can be pressing on either your bladder or urethral sponge too hard- causing irruption in the bladder, leading to a UTI. Or, you might be using a curved toy or fingers, that might be pushing bacteria directly from the vulva into the urinary tract. Try using less pressure, more lube, or switching positions (approaching this area from the back might help to not be pushing onto the urinary tract as often!)
3. Does size matter?
-Short answer: no, because the clitoris is actually the way most people with vulvas have an orgasm (over 3/4ths in many studies!)
-Long answer: of course, different things matter more to different people in sex just like any other aspect of our lives! That being said, we have this obsession with penis size in society because of the way cultural messages around penetrative sex have framed the penis as the end-all-be-all to good sex. Not only have we ignored other aspects of sex like intimacy, communication, THE CLITORIS, prostate, etc, but we have done so while putting an enormous pressure on penis owners. Let’s shift this paradigm: how about we focus more on what feels good! If that for you includes a feeling of “fullness” you partner doesn’t naturally have, feel free to add fingers or toys for a little extra help. When we open our eyes to the possibility of not centering P in V, there is so much room to explore and play.
4. How often does the average couple have sex per week?
-This is a tricky question for a few reasons!
-The research makes it difficult to really corroborate claims of “average” numbers, since most sex research is self-reported. That means that people are basically answering survey questions on how many times a week they have sex, which could be exaggerated up or down depending on various factors. However, it is more likely that the people who willingly apply for sex research surveys are having more frequent sexual encounters- which makes sense since people who are more open about talking about sex usually have less issues with sexual communication of their own.
-Also, would you rather do it more frequently but its not great, or do it less frequently and have more satisfaction? Usually- people pick more satisfaction! Satisfaction, orgasm, and communication are great things to chat w your partner about. If you want to have more sex, work towards those goals as well by making more time for each other, strengthening your intimate bonds, and respecting each other’s desire types.
5. Does it make sense that I am attracted to men, but I’m not that into penises?
-Yes! So much of our sexuality is on a spectrum, including our relationship with gender and attraction. It can be a grey area for some people- and others might find that they are more attracted to personalities than genitals (which can be confusing in a very binary world!). This doesn’t HAVE to be “compulsory heterosexuality” either, its okay to think critically about your sexuality on your own or with a sex therapist!
6. What should I do if I have foreskin that is too tight?
-Step 1: Go to the doctor, especially if this is a newer problem, to rule out infections or injury. Your doctor can also prescribe you a cream with a steroid in it to reduce swelling or increase elasticity.
-Step 2: Stretching your foreskin 1-2 times daily for 4-6 weeks, with the cream and gentle massage and tugging motions. If your condition worsens or does not improve by 8 weeks, go back to your doctor. When stretching the skin, stop if it hurts, as you don’t want to tear this sensitive skin (it may grow back with scarring as well!). Go slow and gentle, and use your fingers to gently stretch open the skin. Many find it easier to do while soft, but can work up to doing this with an erection.
ANAL 101 video coming soon to answer the questions about beginners, best toys, and hygiene.
